It Happens

(Note to readers: There are many words we use for the ol’ ‘number two.’ Although I’m not offended by stronger words for it, I know some are; so in this writing, I’ve chosen to use ‘crap.’  It seems a good middle ground.  You may substitute whatever word you like for it. Fair enough? :) ) 

“Daaaadddy,  I need your help!” my three-year old son yelled from the bathroom.  There he was on the toilet. And there was it.  Without going into details, let’s just say the ‘it’  didn’t quite make it in the potty.   He almost made it, almost.  Usually, he nails it. At this moment, however, it was a crappy mess. Or perhaps a metaphor of life. Hmmmm.

Did I yell at him for crapping his pants? No. Did I make fun of him and shame him? No. Did I sigh and lecture him about how he needs to be more careful? No. Did I go tell his older brother, “Hey,[
look what youre brother did!” No.  Did I hold up his crap and yell about how stinky it is?

There are some things I did do. I did talk kindly to him. I did identify with him. “Hey, that’s happened to Daddy, too. Not fun, is it?” I did carefully help get the crapped-up clothes off him. I cleaned him up.  I did send him back on his way to playing.  After all, he wanted to be clean more than anyone.

After the wipes were thrown away. After the toilet was flushed. After I washed my hands thoroughly for the second time, something struck me. If I, in my broken state, am able to deal with my son’s crap in such a manner, how much more must God be able to deal with mine?  I knew my son was embarrassed by not making it to the potty in time. He had tried to handle it himself, but he knew he needed some Daddy help for this one. Daddy--the royal butt wiper! (It is a skill I’ve gotten quite accomplished at, thank you very much.)   He seemed to trust that I would handle the situation with some degree of competence and grace. He could have just had no other choice!

So here I am, seeking a better way. Trying to go through life without screwing things up too bad. Learning to trust God with my very life. Setting high goals, yet rarely feeling like I’m making much progress on them. I imagine how a true follower of Christ must act. I view others as definitely having it more together than me. Surely others are not having these sort of thoughts.  Then things start to go well. I’m feeling goooooood! I don’t even have to comb my hair because it looks perfect!  I love everybody.  No anger issues. No lustful thoughts. All the traffic lights are turning green as I approach. And I think to myself: what... a... wonderful....me; I mean ‘world.’  (Apologies to Louie Armstrong.)  This would definitely be a good time for Jesus to return!  I am cuh-ruuuizin’.  Go ME! I mean, go God, yeah.

Then I crap myself. Well, not in the literal sense. (That will, perhaps, be in a future writing.) I feel that unholy anger toward my kids, and react with little regard to how ridiculous I’m acting.  Or I have not just one passing impure thought, but many in a row, purposely indulging them as they fill my mind like a drug. Then resistance seems futile.  Crap. Everywhere. Here I am again. Embarrassed. Guilt-ridden. Feeling like, well, crap.  And the worst part is that it’s my own. I could blame someone else;  but I know the truth. Despite my attempts at being clean, or at least looking clean (which church-going folk can be quite skilled at), I’ve done it again. I’ve crapped myself.  The thoughts come: God surely must want to keep his distance from me. I must be such an embarrassment to Him. I’m such a hopeless case. Endless accusations: When are you going to get over this? Why don’t you just give up? You’re a joke.

Then I see Him coming to me. Not with a look of disgust or judgment, but with a piercing love in His eyes, and a smile. “Hey, Rich, how about we get you cleaned up?” He kneels down, washes me, quietly wiping away my shame. He reminds me who I am. Loved. Accepted. More than a conqueror.  He shows me a better way. He gently, but powerfully, restores my soul. He is the Washer of hearts. He makes all things new. Again, again, and again.

Rich's Top Ten Thoughts--GO!

A hodgepodge of thoughts I'm letting escape my head today.

From Chicago trip 2 days ago.

Some random things I have found to be true in my life.

The going rate for an impromptu shoe shine on the streets of Chicago is $8, apparently.

At concerts, there are those who watch, those who take videos on their Iphone, those who aren't sure what to do, and those who get down.

Spending much time listening to talk radio will lead to depression.

Two microwaved eggs in a tortilla is a fine way to start the day.

Stepping in dog poo is never a fun experience.

Sometimes Froot Loops is the perfect thing to eat for lunch.

God is quite capable of defending himself. He will have the last word.

Listening is an art that is fast fading.

It's important to recapture and hold on to the wonder we had as kids.

Jesus summed the whole law down to two--loving Him and loving others, both relational and both intertwined. A good job has been done in confusing us about this.

Indifference Must Die (And This Body Must Dance)

It Started Like This

Today, I was home alone in the kitchen doing some dishes (which I do now and then.)  I cranked up some Cold War Kids (which I encourage everyone to do, btw, because CWK rocks) to make the whole thing more enjoyable. As I was going about scraping off bowls with cereal glued on, I sensed an aggression in my soul, in my spirit. And it wasn't because I couldn't get the bran flakes off. It was a healthy kind. A couple days ago, I had caved to a subpar pleasure, and it had been gnawing at me a bit. It felt like a warning light was going on in my spirit. I asked myself some tough questions. Like a cross-examining detective in my mind, I put myself on the chair under the hanging light-bulb. "Rich, what's going on in your soul, man? Who do you want to be? Aren't you tired of excusing away your issues? Is it worth it? Life can be so much more! Don't settle!"

WWKBD?

I was gripped. My own attempts at righteousness an ongoing joke, I had to praise and thank God for His goodness and love. Then, the only response that felt right was to dance like a madman around my house. Which I did. It was actually half-dancing and half fighting. A week at Cornerstone Fest, watching hardcore bands, certainly inspired me, as well. Expressing the energy that God put in my heart, as well as releasing some angst at my own indifference. It felt great, and was the appropriate response. (Warning: Shameless 80's Reference Ahead!) If you've seen 'Footloose,' (if you haven't, uh, why not? Hello. See link below.) I felt like Kevin Bacon's character, Ren, in the warehouse; he's all ticked off, smashes a beer bottle, then just goes nuts with moves that would kill most people. Crazy stuntman stuff. . So it's that kind of feeling (without the flips, good moves, and cool hair.) I think each of us has this in us, an aggression in the soul, the spirit crying out for real life, 100 percent living, not holding back. Life can quench this if we let it. Our spirit fights against mediocre living. It's important to not ignore it. (Watch Warehouse movie clip here.)

The Battle

I battle some thoughts and inclinations at times (which is for sharing in other venues.) Having been on this planet a while, I see patterns in my own life in the battles of life that happen. It seems my mind is the biggest battleground. Fear, lust, pride, self-absorption all seem to fill me at moments. My response is often to succumb to that temptation. After a while, if conviction is continually ignored, a numbness will creep into my heart. For it becomes the only way to continue in an unhealthy behavior and sin. Then when this numbness (or indifference) takes root, then the sky becomes the limit, right? Because love does not operate in indifference, it is pushed to the side. Thus, I am living out of a self-pleasing motive. If I'm all wrapped up in my own lusts (of all kinds), then love must leave. Indifference is the real enemy, the big danger. Coldness of heart. Numbness. I've heard the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. Like a serial murderer with a blank stare on his face as he's on trial, lost of all emotional connection, many people have become numb to the gravity of what's going on in life. So more than sin in me, my bigger enemy is indifference to that sin in me. That thing that I should hate, but really desire to do. And if we're honest, sin is an issue because it usually brings pleasure, and some satisfaction, if only for a moment. When I do something I know is wrong, I must numb my heart to do it, or be in constant guilt. The Bible warns of the love of many becoming cold in these days. And he is talking to believers. John Perkins says, "Love is the final fight." So I FIGHT. I dance. I punch the air. I run to God and cry out for Him. Because truly, only He can save me from myself. I pray for God's desires to so fill me that every other desire is seen as the cheap substitute that it is.

Of Cars and Souls

You have a soul that was not meant to live on half-power. A super-charged car comes to mind. Imagine buying a souped up Ford Mustang (my personal favorite), pulling it off the lot, taking it home, then parking it in the garage for sake-keeping. Then every so often, taking it out for a drive around the neighborhood, never going past 3rd gear. It would be ludicrous. That car is meant to be taken out on a long stretch of country road and floored. How different is this from the spirit that God has put in us? It was meant to be connected with the Living God, growing and becoming more and more alive every day. But most people treat their soul like trash, leaving it to rust and die in a junkyard, or be happily 'safe' in the garage.

Channeling My Inner 2-yr Old  + Getting Real

I think of my 2-year old son, Cole, and how he has been learning to talk the past year. Oftentimes, especially early on, he would make some sounds and sentences that certainly sounded like words, but just didn't make sense to me. But he is obviously trying to communicate something important. They say that kids that age will often cry because they're frustrated they cannot express what they are feeling inside. I feel like that sometimes. Maybe you do, too. Inside each of us is a mix of emotions, feelings, and thoughts that are hard to put into words. You can't always express what's going on inside. So why not express what you can? Why not talk it out with someone you trust? You think it's dumb, 'too weird,' 'nobody would accept me if they knew I thought or did this,' or, "I'm so far off the map, nobody would understand." Whatever it is you are going through, it is important to not go it alone. The truth is that most people, if they're honest, are dealing with many of the same things. Life is a battle almost everyday. Even all the people around that seem to be doing great, many are dealing with some heavy stuff inside. Certainly, anyone breathing has inner wars to some degree.

It takes courage to reveal who you are to someone. To trustworthy, godly men, I've disclosed some unpleasant and embarrassing things about myself. It came after years of trying to conquer issues on my own. I tend to be introverted and keep much to myself. I'm okay with that. At the same time, I'm learning there is value in interacting with others more and being honest about me. The truth is, I hunger for those kind of relationships. God certainly calls us to walking in truth and love. So I've just scratched the surface of living this out; there are very few people I feel comfortable really opening up to; but am encouraged to at least be taking steps forward living in the light with others.

The Obvious (But Still Amazing) Conclusion

God created us to need each other, to lean on each other, to build up each other, to love one another. That is His law: love. Our freedom is found in Christ. And who is Christ today? WE are the Body of Christ. We are called to continue his mission of setting captives free, mending the broken-hearted, telling the good news to the poor. Living independently of others is not a part of God's plan for you. It's not. Confession of weakness to one another, which is just walking in honesty, brings healing. It leads to freedom to live life to the fullest, to be real, and to be who you were meant to be. So to say I need Christ is to say I need you, because you are part of His body if you are a Christ follower. (So much could be expounded on about this, but that can happen later.)

The human soul was not meant to be indifferent, whether it be to love or to hate. God has put something in you that was meant for an adventurous, amazing life. It will be difficult at times, hard, and a struggle. If Jesus is our example, then we know this to be true. But it's worth it. We get only one shot on this Earth. So fight for what's important and what will last. Jesus said, " the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." It takes a yielding to the One who has already won, and living not passively, but in a 'violent' spirit that does not quit until the last breath is breathed. The enemies of your soul are certainly not indifferent in trying to destroy you .  Everything will be revealed one day anyway. Why not live in openness and honesty right now? Why not live passionately now? Why not give away what's gThe Angry Warehouse Dance of KBoing to be taken away anyway? LIVE, LOVE, and FIGHT for those around you. And maybe DANCE like a madman every once in a while. It's why you exist.

The Storm (Has Come & Left Me Here)

Tree in my front yard.

I awoke today to dark clouds, thunder, wind, and rain.  The worst of the storm happened while we were sleeping.. "And I volunteered to work today?" I thought, pulling my clothes on like a dead weight. "Now where's that rain jacket?" After a quick egg in the microwave (38 seconds to eating pleasure), and a dollar coffee from McD's,  I was on my way. 

Driving around today, everywhere I went were broken branches and fallen trees in yards and streets, leaves and debris scattered all around, clogging up sewer drains. There were water streams flowing deep in places where cars normally went, while newly created lakes gave ducks a place to swim, between the slides and the swings. The Fox River was just a foot below the Illinois Street bridge in St. Charles, speeding over the dam and through the man-made corridor created for much quieter days.  The storm had gone through and things had changed.  Seemingly kingly trees were broken in half, exposing a rotting core that couldn't take it anymore. The wind had blown and the rain came down. And there was nothing anybody could do about it.

Do you see where I'm going with this? 

|{Disruption}|. Storms disrupt the normal flow of things. There were major highways in Chicago today flooded over in low areas. There were many less busy roads blocked as well.   People had to find alternate routes to get to work or to got the grocery store. Power was knocked out in whole neighborhoods. Houses from the south side of Chicago to the million dollar mansions in the burbs had air-conditioning stopped and 50" flat panel televisions blackened. The storm didn't really care what plans people had today. They would have to adjust.

|{It's a Love/Hate Thing}| Interesting things these storms are. They come is all forms. Here in Illinois we've seen plenty of severe thunderstorms and tornadoes roll through, especially this year. And this is saying nothing of the fun we have in the winter!  Most of us would love for everyday to be sunny and 78 degrees, low humidity, with a light breeze for just the right touch. But we know storms come, and they must. Storms blow the dead branches off.  Storms bring destruction. Storms scatter the seeds. Storms start fires. Storms bring nourishment to the soil. Dormant seeds germinate. And this is more than just in nature.

|{I need the wind to blow through me, and all around me.}|  I need the dead branches in me destroyed and blown away. Cobwebs in hidden parts of my heart and mind need to be gone. Fear, shame, pride, lust, and self-absorption need to flow down the river, far, far away. I need my routine, my rut, my 'normal' existence to be shaken and disrupted. I would say the most important things we learn about life, ourselves, and God are not found in a place of comfort. It's found in the disrupted times, the unplanned chaos that life brings. Those things we don't understand. Why did that person I love and cherish have to suffer like that?  What the heck is going on in my head? Am I the only one who feels like this? And on and on.


|{My Storm will Call Your Storm and We'll Do Lunch}|  I, and many people I love, are going through, or have already seen storms. Someday I'll get enough courage to write about some of the totally unplanned craziness and messiness of my life. Being a fairly introverted person, much of it has been internal for me. But even internal storms have a way of revealing themselves in not so pretty ways.   Everybody deals with dark times and feelings. Some of us are better at finding ways to cover up the ugly side of ourselves.  We keep our minds busy pondering useless things, devoting hours a week following celebrity gossip, sports, internet, talk radio, and the like. (With the exception of gossip, none of these things are bad in themselves, and this list is far from complete.) We focus on the external. How do I look? Am I sexy? Am I good-looking? Do I wear the right clothes and drive the right car? What do people think of me? Facebook lets us define our image in a myriad of ways in this regard.

|{Uh, the Point Please?}| I guess the point I'm getting at is eventually a storm is going to come that will rock your world. (For some it may be the last seconds of their life.)  But although it may bring some craziness and chaos to your life, it also has the potential to do good. To bring life. And to expose what your foundation is.   I had my storm. It sent me reeling. It destroyed a big part of who I thought I was. It drove me, literally, to the edge of insanity. I had been comfortable; A storm came I couldn't handle. I thought I could handle anything. I  thought I was cruising through life okay.  I was proven wrong in a spectacular way!  I was shown where my faith had been. I tried to handle it myself. However, we were not made to handle storms alone.  (More on that another day.)

|{This Could Get Messy}| Three years later, even after all that has happened, I still am learning to let go of some dead things. However, I see light piercing through the clouds. Hope is breaking through clouds of depression, darkness, and shame.  My heart needs a resurrection once again. I don't want to have a closet of bones and masks. I want my mind completely renewed.  I want to not spend my life worrying about what others think, but what my Creator thinks. I want to be able to trust others enough to share honestly who I am and what I'm going though. I want to be that same person for them too.  I want to love you and anyone I meet, and to receive love, love that is pure and comes from the One who made me. I want the Wind to blow through me. Everyday. Right now. How about you?  Isn't life meant for more than what we typically settle for?  Let's expose the rotten, dead parts, and get on with living. That's my goal. Who's with me?

The Little Universe that Could (or...Our Universe Kicks Asteroids)

"In that trillionth of a second after the big bang, the universe expanded from the size of a marble to a volume larger than all of observable space through a process known as inflation."

Reread the above quote about 10 times.  It's from the latest scientific discoveries about about the universe.   "In that trillionth of a second after the big bang, the universe expanded from the size of a marble to a volume larger than all of observable space through a process known as inflation."  OK, eleven times.  Apparently a LOT can happen in a trillionth of a second.  The speed of light? It's a wussy mamma's boy compared to this expansion rate.  Consider that an eye takes 3-4 tenths of a second to blink.   The average person, I'm sure, would consider an eye blink pretty fast compared to most things that happen in a typical day.  Well, that eye blink is 3.3 BILLION times slower than a trillionth of a second.  Our brains can not even fathom that kind of speed.  (You can try, but if your head explodes I will not be held responsible...)  

So just picture this marble size ball of energy/matter. In it contains everything ever needed to be used in making galaxies, stars, planets, Earth, your I-Pod, your mom, and you, plus everything else.  Add up the weight of everything in the universe (your mom and the above stated items included) and you pretty much have one freakin' heavy marble.   

Okay , so this really dense, heavy marble is sitting somewhere...  Well, there apparently was no universe yet, so it was there, wherever there is.  
Then something amazing happens:

"Inflationary theorists argue that at the time of the big bang, the universe was at first microscopic. But three events changed things: fluctuations in temperature, bursts that transformed energy into matter and a rapid expansion of the universe that ultimately enabled stars and galaxies to form. "( Source: http://trib.com/news/national/article_6c41280e-fd74-5ca0-9dbd-70eaefaf52b4.html , also below quote)

So, basically, one day this petri dish universe gets an attitude, becoming the BIGGEST UNIVERSE EVER!  In less than a trillionth of a second no less.  (Take that all you other universes!)  Galaxies come a couple hundred million years later, some planets take shape, some ooze ends up on Earth, yaddah yaddah, humans, American Idol, and here we are.

Really the first quote above says enough for me.  The scientific community has confirmed through tests that the universe in its first .0000000000001 seconds of life went from the size of a marble to the size of all observable space.


"The WMAP team plans to continue looking for clues into the forces that drove the universe's inflation. 'What happened in that instant snap of time is still a mystery. There's a lot of uncertainty about inflation in general,' said Gary Hinshaw, an astrophysicist at the Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland and a WMAP researcher."


I think it's a wonderful thing for science to search out the answers to life's deepest mysteries.  As they do so, I hope they have an open mind. I, myself, am clearly reminded of two Scriptures from the Bible.

 "The heavens declare the glory of God;

       the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

 Day after day they pour forth speech;

       night after night they display knowledge."

                            (Old Testament, Psalm 19:1-2)

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."   (New Testament, Romans 1:20)


The truth is not just "out there," as a famous sci-fi series told us. It is "up there."  Up there like a galactic billboard.  As telescopes become bigger and more sophisticated, we are given breath-taking images of galaxies, supernovas, stars, seemingly without end.  Distances are measured not in miles or kilometers, but by how long it takes light to travel from here to there. It's hard to even wrap your mind around such distances.  

I remember spending a week in Colorado for spring break several years ago. We were in a cabin near a mountain, a distance away from the nearest town.  We did a lot of cool and fun things, had a great time. But my one lasting memory still is looking up at the stars at night.  Away from  man-made light, the night sky seemed as if someone had scattered a million shining diamonds across a black velvet canvas.  The Milky Way was a thick cloud of light.  Every clear night I was outside in silence, beholding a great work of art. Is it any wonder that as we become more and more surrounded by urban lights, and more downward focused, we have become more focused on ourselves?  The sky, and the science surrounding it, speak a message loud and clear to us.  We need only seeing eyes, hearing ears, and an open heart.

(Note: this is an updated writing of mine from 2006.) 

Check out the Hubble Picture Album for some incredible sights from space.

Diagnosis: HJS (Holey Jeans Syndrome)

(A little something I wrote in 2006, with update at end.  Still applicable. Will get to deeper topics next week.)

Well, I did it.  I said I would never do it, but I did. What did I do?
Well, first a little background.   I'm a courier for the top overnight carrier (rhymes with pecs).  One of my stops just happens to be this mall in St. Charles, IL that is slowly dying. It's losing stores faster than Michael Jackson is losing baby-sitting jobs.  Yes, it's that sad.  The latest casualty is Sam Goody, with Gap, Eddy Bauer, GameStop, and a bunch of other stores fleeing before them.   It's quickly becoming a health club for older people, who daily take laps around the inside, then have some 35 cent coffee. It's also big with young moms, relaxing while watching their kids play on the plastic playground in the middle of the mall. There's the food court.  It has a couple oriental food counters, Sbarro pizza, McD's, the slushy stand, and my friend Jim, the Indian guy with the convenience store where you can buy a newspaper and any can of soda for one buck.   Okay, okay, I'm getting sidetracked, as usual. I'm just trying to set the scene.  

During (The Holiday Time Formerly Known as) Christmas Time, and the shopping season,  I was on lunch break at the mall. I had already had lunch, read my newspaper, and downed my can of Mountain Dew Code Red. I had some time to kill.  So I thought I'd see if I could find a decent pair of jeans for a decent price--which for me is around $25 or less.  So I checked out Zumiez, because 1--it seems to be a pretty cool store, 2--I want to be pretty cool, and 3--there really aren't very many other stores to choose from (Victoria's Secret has no jeans, did you know that?)   I found a sale on some jeans that seemed alright.  Then I noticed the pair on top had a couple holes on the leg.  That's weird, I thought. Well, as I checked the other ones, ALL the jeans had the exact same hole in the exact same spot.  What a coincidence! It was uncanny. I soon found out that the Hollister store and American Eagle are pretty much swimming in the hole-laden $50 jeans as well, albeit their hole-patterns are slightly different.  Not only are there well-manicured holes, but there are spots that have been sanded away around the seams, and some just look plain dirty. It's as if the holes are being put there on purpose...

Let me say that I can appreciate a nice pair of worn-out jeans that someone has had for a few years and lived some life in.   I, myself, had jeans with holey knees back in the day, so I have no problem with the wearing of old jeans.  I just think it's a bit interesting how the sellers of "cool" have apparently convinced the masses that they should fork over 50 bucks (or more) for jeans that are beat up and look like clothes Goodwill would pass on.  I'm just imagining the poor people in the Singapore sweatshops who put together the jeans for the Aeropostale's, the Ambercrombie & Fitchs, and other youth-geared stores. There they are with pieces of sandpaper and scissors going at it on a perfectly good pair of jeans.  I can picture the sweatshop boss screaming, "These jeans look too GOOD, what's WRONG with you people!  I wanna see some frayed seams and holes NOW!"  (All in Singaporian of course.)  They must think Americans are a bunch of idiots. 

So my search for jeans came up short that day. Since that day I not only mocked such purchases but vowed to never, ever, buy a "pre-holed" pair of jeans.  What do they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions?  I did pretty good for about a year, staying away from this trend. But it's funny how things that seem so dumb a year ago somehow become acceptable as time goes by (that's another whole topic to explore.) Three weeks ago, it happened.  I was at the Carson Pirie Scott store at said lame mall.  There it was: a clearance rack of jeans.  Clearance. The word I love.  Sixty percent off.  Cool jeans with holes in them, frayed seams.  The works.  You know, what all the cool people are wearing. I bought them.  I paid money for jeans that were sanded and cut up by some 9-year old Singaporean girl (hopefully  not.)   They were Iron Jeans, which I had never heard of myself.  They were only 20 bucks so I don't feel too bad about buying them.  Please don't judge me.  I'm wearing them now.  Man, are they comfortable.

UPDATE: I since have disavowed buying holey jeans...again, but don't hold me to it. I still have the jeans, holes and all, laying in the bottom of my closet. However, last year, as I wore them to a U2 concert in Chicago, the zipper broke in a bad way, unfixable at the time. (That is a funny story I'll have to share sometime.) I haven't worn them since. I hope to duct tape them back together. I'm not sure if holey jeans are even cool anymore. My kids keep me busy and and I really don't have time to figure it out, or really care for that matter. The lame mall is even lamer, if that is possible. More stores have left, although Zumiez is somehow surviving, as is Victoria's Secret, with the gigantic pictures of women in underwear in their windows. My friend Jim has wisely moved on to greener pastures. I don't go to malls much anyway so I guess I'll be okay.  I still find it funny that we buy new jeans already "holed" and worn for us. Is it a sign of the times? I think it is. I believe it speaks to the desire to look "authentic" without having to go through the process of being authentic. Or maybe we do it because we want to fit into "cool," as defined by the marketers. This is getting me thinking a bit more. This may require a part two to explore.  Either way, I need some new jeans, or some duct tape..

Sex vs. The Parasites: Round 1

(FYI: This is something I wrote in 2006, but never posted on the blog, so enjoy!) 

Sex vs.The Parasites: Round 1

It all happened like this, as Charles (not his real name) and I were driving together one day in my FedEx truck to unload a truck full of overnight goodies to somewhere in Naperville, or Wheaton, or one of those Chicago burbs.
"Richard," asked Charles in his Sean Connery-ish British accent, " do you know why we have sex?"  ("we" meaning "human beings"...).   Now, knowing that Charles was a staunch Darwinist evolutionist (I'll tell you more about how Charles and me talk another time), my bet was something scientific-sounding was about to be unleashed on my mind.   "Well Charles, I know why I have sex!" I replied with a smile.  Chuckle, chuckle.   While that was pretty much true, I knew it just had to be the wrong answer, so I asked what the supposed real reason was I, and all other humans, had sex.  "Parasites," Charles quickly told me.  "We have sex because of parasites."  Of course, it all made sense now.  It's parasites. Parasites?  Charles went on to tell me that, according to his reading, asexual creatures evolved into sexual creatures as a way to overcome parasites.  Apparently parasites' ability to populate new hosts was greatly diminished when they had to deal with new and different DNA.  In other words, asexual life forms (those that reproduce without union between male and female; sexless) are easier attacked by parasites because their DNA stays the same in their 'offspring.'  This means the parasites can continue living on in each subsequent generation of that lifeform.  Since sexual union between a male and female bring two different DNA strands together, a completely new DNA strain is made in the offspring.  It is a combination of DNA.  Thus, the parasites are thwarted and must regroup and figure out a new battle plan for this new creature.  Or they just give up and die.   So, in Charles' mind, sex came about through evolution as a way to frustrate those pesky parasites. 

Yes, the Evolution Fairy saw that parasites were getting the upper hand against other organisms so over the course of billions of years, she sprinkled her magic sex dust on these poor sexless creatures and slowly but surely they became different.  Some of them started growing 'slot A' parts and some started growing 'tab B' parts.  Of course it took them a few million years just to figure out what the heck these things were for.  

 Overheard between a couple of evolving organisms: 'What's that thing growing down there?'

'I have no idea, but it looks like it might fit in that thing there of yours...' 

And the rest was history.

Now, to be fair to Charles, he didn't mention anything about a 'Fairy.'  But I'm pretty sure that what he talked about had to include a fairy because I just don't see it happening any other way.  How else would these organisms figure this out, and over such a long period.  Let's figure that a couple asexual organisms, we'll call them Lynn and Morgan, figure out this great plan. 

"You know what, Morgan?"

"What's that, Lynn?"

"Well, I've been thinking about this problem with the parasites we've been having, you know?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I was thinkin', what if I could grow a thing that would stick out; kinda how a pencil or pen is.  Maybe we could call it a 'pen-' or 'pencil-is'.  I'll have to think about that." 

"Continue..." 

"Then you, see, you could grow something this 'pencil-is' could go into.  The 'pencil-is' would send DNA over to this other thing, which would be a complex, hidden contraption, that would have it's own DNA ready to meet up with my DNA.  We could create some way for them to unite and make a whole new organism with new DNA.  And by the way, it will feel really good!  We'll show those parasites!"  "Yeah!"  "Hey, LOOK OUT, PARASITES!!"  And Lynn and Morgan are attacked by parasites and die.

I could get into a scientific debate about all this and go on and on, back and forth with facts.  We could argue point and counterpoint.  I don't disagree that parasites have a harder time dealing with sexual reproduction than with asexual.  I just don't assume this is something that evolved.  I believe sex is much bigger than a "parasite frustrater plan."
I think Sex was God's idea; a wonderfully complex occurrence that, in humans, wraps physical, emotional, and spiritual components all together in a beautiful way.  To be sure, sex is above all about reproduction.  God told us to "be fruitful and multiply."  Without sex, any given animal, bird, or reptile species will not continue on.  Even flowers need pollen to be passed to other flowers to reproduce.  (I'm not a scientist, so I won't go further than that.)  It's just not the only aspect of sex.
Of course, sex feels really good.  I mean, it's not like people are tempted into all kinds of sexual issues because orgasms feel like some horrible stomachache.  They feel great.  That is probably the most obvious statement in the world.  I've never seen a t-shirt that read, "I hate orgasms."  That's how God made it to be, to feel good.  Maybe God made it feel so great so that we'd be sure and reproduce.  That is true but there are other reasons, I believe.
The key reason God made sex, I believe, was to connect the souls of a man and woman in a beautiful way.   It's what marriage is all about.  Adam and Eve were "naked and unashamed."  When a man and woman come together that way, their souls unite. A bond is created.  The Bible talks about how they "become one."  What an awesome picture.  It is also why sex outside of marriage is so tragic.  When someone goes from one person to the next having sexual relations, he/she is "becoming one" with multiple people, thus creating a soul that is divided.  We all crave intimacy, even in non-sexual forms.  We long to be known completely by somebody, and to be loved unconditionally.  When two people give themselves only to each other sexually, they have something strong--a soul bond of love.  I know this from experience. It is worth fighting for and waiting for.
We could go on about how the marriage union demonstrates God's relationship and love for His Church, which is perhaps the most powerful part of it all.  However, that would take way too long and my son, Jack, is waking up, so that will have to wait for now.